Finally as of 4:00am on January 10th I had been fever free for 24 hours. I was so excited when the tech confirmed it for me that I called the NICU right then and there to see if I could go see Kelsie! She said she would have to ask the doctor when she came in before she could approve it and I was crushed. I started bawling on the phone so loud that I woke my poor mother up. She woke up in a panic thinking something terrible had happened, but I couldn't help it I was so emotional from everything that had occurred that I just couldn't hold back anymore. I wanted to see my baby and I couldn't stand the thought of waiting another few hours!
I was able to calm down and I think I even slept a little, because the nurse came in and told me I could go see Kelsie for sure I just needed to wait a little longer. It was probably better that way looking back, because I was able to eat something and get my strength up before we went down there. Mike came with me that first time and I was so happy to have him there.
When the time finally came for me to go down I couldn't hardly contain my excitement. I tried to go a little faster than I should have and I got a little dizzy, but I had plenty of time to recover while washing up. You have to scrub in similar to what I imagine doctors do before going into surgery before entering the NICU. Any exposed skin that may touch the baby has to be scrubbed. It was extremely difficult to accomplish that with the wires I was hooked up to and the various bracelets that were on my arm, but I managed!
Finally I got to go inside! It happened to be feeding time for Kelsie so she was crying for her bottle. I remember walking up to her and saying "It's OK baby mommy is here". She immediately stopped crying and turned her head a little toward me I think I cried a little myself at her reaction. I couldn't believe that she responded to my voice so quickly. I attempted my first diaper change then and it was not exactly graceful. Unfortunately it was a poopy one and I got some on her blankets, but I still managed to get the job done.
Finally I got to hold my baby!!!! I attempted to nurse her without success. She was too used to taking a bottle. I was disappointed, but I knew it would take some time to switch from bottle to breast and I was too happy holding her to care too much about that. It was magical to hold her in my arms although somewhat awkward. We both were hooked up to wires and gadgets, so it definitely was a challenge to hold her without getting everything tangled. On top of that she was hooked up to monitors on her chest that came off very easily and would set off alarms when they did. It took several adjustments but we finally got her in a good position. I was finally able to hold and feed her for the first time! It was an emotional and exciting day! Mike did an excellent job of taking pictures that didn't show a lot of the wires, because we had pushed them behind us as much as possible.
For the rest of the day I tried to be there for each feeding so I could try to get her to nurse. That first day she latched on a couple of times, but got way too frustrated for any success. I wasn't giving up and I just kept pumping, because I knew we would get there eventually!
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